Morning thoughts.

I confess, some days I feel more inspired than others.

In my head, I'm running back and forth with my ideals and the more practical attainable goals that could be achieved. I'm never sure about what it is that I am going to get myself into today, or the next. Whenever I get that first message from the outside world transmitted through AIM, the seemingly curious nature of a question,

"What are you doing today, Ana?"
I always take in a few moments and say in my head,
"the possibilities are endless".

BUT REALLY

I take in another few moments to collect my thoughts and formulate plans in which I feel are collectively inspiring and retype something monotonous,
"I don't know".

Because some days, I really don't know.

These past 2 months have been a whirlwind, capable of destruction and fusion. I keep reminding myself that I'm young and nothing is permanent these days. Social pressures and expectations phase me on days of the week ending with 'day'. But when the hell did intangible things have such powerful impetus on me? I can't even see it.

I play tug-o-war with my thoughts. Sometimes I snap myself back to reality when I've been consumed. I'm always amazed at myself for experiencing all these emotions in one sitting without ever having a verbal conversation with another being. It's like I have this war in my head. My ideal self sprawls out on the front line, unarmored and ready to defeat all these self-fulfilling prophecies I've somehow constructed throughout my life and the other half is holding on to the instilled expectations my parents have of my future. When will it end?

It'll end when I'm ready to accept things for what they are.
It'll end when I can love myself without having to place a price tag on things or people
It'll end when I can finally get over the idea of "should be" and never having to find a replacement.
It'll end when I can have infinite moments of gratuitous reflections

It will just end.