Upholding resolution #1: Act instead of continuing to ramble about future ambitions.

I have always been one to talk about future ambitions. It's one thing to ramble, but another thing to act. I've listed all these future ambitions that would ultimately lead me to some sort of metaphysical happiness but have not recently upheld any of them. In this list of plans I've arranged for myself is to take a TEFL [teaching english as a foreign language] certification course. I signed up sometime ago but never had a chance to actually start a course due to some profound lack of student sign-ups. Months later, (uh.. how about 3) I finally get into this class and I can honestly say that I am genuinely happy to be going to class. I've had my share of excitement attending undergrad classes but for the first time, I really cannot wait to attend class. I am genuinely happy---& exhausted from my busy schedule to allocate time for play. Despite the business of my schedule, I would not trade it for anything right now... maybe for a few hours of sleep, but not for "more time" because otherwise I'd be idle and idleness I cannot pardon. It is my mission to meet as many people I can in class and learn from each and every one of them. The class itself is rather large with 21 students and because we're spending 9 hours a day every weekend, it is impossible to not acknowledge your peers.

It is definitely a learning experience. I never thought I would find myself doing somewhat of a career shift. I figured I'd work straight out of college without having to think about what interested me or what motivated me to get out of bed in the morning. I thought I'd be a robot. But of course not, I'm human and I have needs that need to be fulfilled and most importantly of those is happiness. I need something to help me understand why I decide to get up every morning. I want to be able to help people and not do something that helps generate all sorts of money that was never mine in the first place. I want to be able to provide a resource for learners even with my limited [but, expanding] knowledge. I guess what I really want in life is to feel needed and simultaneously feel rewarded. In speaking of these rewards, I don't mean the money. My instructor at this TEFL course said to us on the first day, "I can already feel the energy in this group that you're not here because of the money, you're here because you want to help others-- and that alone is beautiful". I believe it.

I'm hoping that this will just do it for me. I'm hoping this'll help me get to where I want to be 5 years from now. I'm hoping that this'll keep me entertained and captivated enough to create a living for myself in another country or even here.

Or I guess what I'm really hoping is that, in the meantime of experiencing this I'll finally get a sense of what I'm initially looking for: myself.