Blasé.

I'm losing interest in school right now. Half a month to go with a drumming class, GE class & Upper div.

The weather is gorgeous, the sun is out longer allowing more time for aimless fun and mischief, & I'm in a fantasy of the eternal "now" period.

I'm in an awkward state right now. Graduating and entering the real world, the epitome of why we engaged in any higher education at all in our money-driven society. We're supposed to learn and if we've learned enough, we make money. But money doesn't please me too much, despite it making the world turn.

The fine lines between freedom and slavery seem to taunt me. This freedom from school that leads us to only being enslaved by Corporate America working 9-5 jobs, God forbid any longer than that. Cheating us of our youth and happiness. Deceiving us into a few 0's behind our paychecks.

I'm not ready. I'm not ready. Post-undergrad scares me. The feeling of incompletion never fails to fill my stomach and this incessant hunger for leaving counters my parent's views on how they've constructed my life after college.

Dear God, I am unsatisfied.

And I am unimpressed on how my path is paved before me. For one reason: I paved it. Too many mistakes. Too many restrictions. Too many, too many's. Maybe I don't give myself enough credit for the work I've done or the accomplishments I've framed, but I know one thing:

I want more.
I want to be satisfied.
I want to be happy.
I want to be surrounded by people who share the same ambitions.
I just want more out of my life because there is not room for life denting fuck-ups.


And I also hate the cynical & bitter tone of this entry.